


Never Again

by Whiitewolf



Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-30
Updated: 2020-09-07
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:15:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26202517
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Whiitewolf/pseuds/Whiitewolf
Summary: Just a two-shot following the events of Willow and Tara's break up.
Relationships: Tara Maclay/Willow Rosenberg, Tillow - Relationship
Comments: 6
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for checking this out. There will be a second part from Tara's point of view.
> 
> I am hoping to write more Buffy fics. Maybe a continuation of the show, ignoring the comics. Maybe Faith's story, starting from before she met up with Buffy and them in season 3. Possibly a re-write of season 1-4 to include how the events change with Dawn being there, since Dawn got added in in season 5 to the memories. I am not sure. But we shall see!
> 
> I definitely want to write some Spuffy.

It shouldn't be possible to feel this much pain. Willow gritted her teeth as she watched Tara walk down the drive way. How could she just leave? How could she give up on her? She loved her. She loved her with everything she had. And there she was, walking away. Walking away from everything they'd had. All those memories, all their love... Tara didn't even look back... Willow shook her head as she walked over to the bed. Gone? No. No, she had to come back.

The magic had to stop. That was what had got her into trouble. She'd known it was wrong, but she'd done it. She was reliant on it. Everything else was fixed with magic like the plate this morning when she'd been washing dishes. Of course it made sense to try and fix her relationship with Tara using magic as well. It'd worked in the past. But this time, this time it failed her. It wasn't her friend. It didn't help her. It'd driven Tara away. There was no maybe about it, it had to stop. Maybe she would get Tara back. Either way, it was running her life and enough was enough. 

But, maybe she was jumping the gun. Possibly giving up on magic too easily... Maybe if she tried just one more time. If she could prevent Tara from finding out, if...

No. It'd already caused too much trouble.

How could it be so easy for Tara to walk away? Like they'd never happened? Like she'd never given her heart and soul to her? Like they'd never loved at all? She remembered seeing the pain on Tara's face. Was it really so easy? How could she leave? The magic really wasn't the problem, was it? 

"Will?" Buffy's voice interrupted her thoughts. 

Willow glanced up from where she sat on the bed. The look of concern on Buffy's face immediately made her feel shaky. Buffy's concern made it seem more real. Before, it had been like this could all be a dream. It hadn't fully sunk in yet. But there Buffy was, looking torn between wanting to give her best friend space and hugging her. The helplessness on her face made it even worse.

"I'm okay," Willow told her, knowing what she'd been about to ask.

"Okay," Buffy said softly well aware this couldn't be further from the truth. However, she didn't leave. She'd be lying if she said she wasn't frustrated. She was. Willow's mistake that caused them to lose their memories could have ended so much worse than they had. But she couldn't ignore the pain on her friend's face. Watching her look so broken made her, in turn, feel broken inside. Despite the numbness she'd felt having been brought back, despite the anger she felt toward her friends for bringing her back, she loved them. She just wanted Willlow to be okay. 

Willow felt her throat swell up as her friend sat beside her. "I am okay," she insisted but this time as she said those words, the tears spilled again. All Buffy could do was hug her. She held her friend as she cried wishing that she could help in some way. She saved lives, she fought the bad guys and yet, here she was, unable to help.

After a few minutes, Willow found she was able to steady herself.

"Let's get you out of here," Buffy suggested. There could be nothing worse than being in this room. On the nightstand, she could see that Tara had left her brush. There were too many reminders, Willow needed a distraction. "Ah, no objections," she said as Willow started to shake her head. "Be ready in a half hour."

Giving Willow a forced, cheerful smile, she went to go get dressed. She hadn't felt like leaving the house lately, or doing much of anything. Exceptions had to be made. Her friend needed her. 

The numbness became overwhelming and Willow found herself unable to move. That was it. No more magic. She spent most of the half hour telling herself that. It was important. It was how she got Tara back. Biting her bottom lip, she stood to grab her laptop. Tara would listen, she had to.

Distantly, she heard the shower running. It appeared it'd take Buffy a bit longer than a half hour, which suited her just fine.

Shakily, she began to type the email. After the first message was written, she immediately erased it. 'Don't be ridiculous," she told herself.

_Tara,_

_Tara, baby, please. I'm so sorry. I know there are no words that can take back what I did. But it's over. It's done. No more magic, I promise._

_I just want us to be together again. I love you so much. I need you. I can't do this on my own. I need you here. You're my strength. You're my everything. With you by my side, I can quit. I know I can. Just please, please... We need to talk. We can work this out. Strong like Amazon, remember? With our strength combined, I know I can beat this. You're right. I use too much magic. Not again, I promise. I'm done. You hear that? I'm done._

_Love Willow._

With her heart racing, somehow, Willow managed to click the send button.

"Will?" Buffy's voice called out. "Are you ready?"

Crap, she hadn't even heard the shower stop. She still needed to get dressed, and picking out an outfit... Make up on... 

Well, one more time couldn't hurt, right? She'd use magic one more time, just to get herself ready. After all, it'd be wrong to keep Buffy waiting when she was trying to do something nice for her, right? Just one more spell, just one more.

"Yeah, I'm ready," Willow replied, fully dressed, walking out to meet her friend. "Lets get out of here."

As Buffy was walking down the stairs, Willow shot down the guilt she'd felt. It'd just been one spell, she was done for good now, right?


	2. Tara

Although she tried to hide her tears, this was the most difficult thing she'd done. Walking away from the person you love? It broke her heart to see Willow in pain, but she knew she had to do it. It was going to be hard, not waking up with her every day. Not kissing her every day... In fact, she'd have to be sure she avoided her. She already missed her scent, her touch, her love...

Taking a shaky breath, she turned to look up at the bedroom window, but no one was there. Though Willow probably didn't understand, she had forgiven her. But she couldn't forget what Willow had done, and it would take time to repair. All the hardest things always took time. She felt violated, take advantage of. There was no way of knowing how many times Willow played with her mind, how many times she'd lost hours or maybe even days. Had she found out before? Had she somehow found out Willow was violating her mind? It was possible. It was possible Willow had made her forget again.

Despite the fact she badly wanted to believe Willow when she said she'd never do it again, Tara was worried she'd try. As soon as she got home, she'd make sure to do some sort of protection spell. Willow had to learn this the hard way. Magic couldn't fix everything.

Though the campus was loud when she arrived, she hardly noticed. It was as if there was no one else there.

Usually, it was times like this where she went to Willow for comfort, but instead, she was forced to resort to her old technique, her old comfort. As Tara walked into the college library, she found herself unable to meet anyone's eyes. She didn't want the pain on her face to be seen. Nor did she want to risk seeing any couples around her. She froze for a moment, recalling the last time she'd been in here. It'd been with Willow, of course. They'd sat quietly on one of the couches and read. Her chest tightened.

Tara was unable to decide what she felt like reading, and instead, she walked over to one of the computers and sat down. It was a few minutes before she managed to calm her breathing down enough to enter her log-in.

She should have expected it, but when she saw an email sitting in her inbox from Willow, she immediately had to pause to take a few breaths. The inner debate between deleting it and opening it gave her a headache, but eventually, she opened the email.

_Tara,_

_Tara, baby, please. I'm so sorry._

She willed herself not to cry. Willow was in pain. There was a feeling of wanting to do something, needing to do something and fighting back that urge proved to be more difficult than she'd expected. She couldn't. All her instincts told her to run to Willow, to hold her. This wasn't possible.

I _know there are no words that can take back what I did._

No, there definitely was no way she could take back what she did. She'd violated her. Painful memories of what Glory did to her came rushing back to Tara. No, there was no forgetting. No taking it back.

_But it's over. It's done. No more magic, I promise._

Tara swallowed the painful lump in her throat, wishing to everything that she could believe what she was reading. A part of her wanted to forget. She wanted to forget that she knew this, that Willow had done this to her. But she couldn't. She couldn't let herself be manipulated. In the past couple years, she'd come so far. Being strong was important, Willow had shown her how to be strong. Standing up for herself was something she may not have done then, but she was doing it now.

_I just want us to be together again. I love you so much. I need you._

The tears threatened to spill and Tara struggled to fight them back. Her heart hurt, both figuratively, and literally. The pain in her chest, the way it felt like she was suffocating when she tried to breathe...

_I can't do this on my own. I need you here. You're my strength. You're my everything. With you by my side, I can quit. I know I can. Just please, please... We need to talk. We can work this out. Strong like Amazon, remember?_

This was getting harder by the second. But Willow was right. She was strong like an Amazon. She had to be. This was one of the hardest things she'd done in her life. And she suspected it would be getting harder very soon.

_With our strength combined, I know I can beat this. You're right. I use too much magic. Not again, I promise. I'm done. You hear that? I'm done._

_Love Willow._

"I love you, too," Tara whispered. Willow wouldn't understand. She was doing this because she loved her. There was nothing else she could do, and with that, Tara dragged the message over to the trash bin and left to go do her protection spell. It broke her heart, that the person that she had thought would protect her from anything was the one she needed protecting from.


End file.
